To find A Person's Character

"It's not what others say about you, but what you say about others."
Saw this the other day. When I find the direct quote again and author I will post it, but right now this is how I remember it. This is how I live my life. People who are upbeat and speak well of others can be trusted with confidences and true friendship.

What would you change about your wedding?

A friend asked me what I would change about my wedding day. That was a very interesting question. It is not something I think about much since it really doesn't matter at this point, but after thought here is what I came up with.

1. First of all our actual wedding was performed in an LDS Temple and it was beautiful, complete and pure. I wouldn’t change a thing. Everyone was dressed in white and there were mirrors on two sides of the walls that if you looked into you could see yourself an infinite amount of times. This symbolized how our marriage is forever, but also that through our children and their children and their children our bond goes on and on and there is no end. Beautiful. I wouldn’t change a thing.

2. The reception is what I would change. This was held in a church. I wasn’t firm in what I wanted by way of decorations and that sort of thing so when other people pushed what they wanted, I wasn’t strong enough in my resolve to stand up for what I really wanted. For instance a lady (my sister-in-law’s mother) ended up being our decorator and she didn’t decorate in the style I likes and I thought it quite tacky. Furthermore, I wanted it elegant and simple and for there to be two colors, forest green and pale yellow. She said you can’t just have two colors and needed one more for visual interest. Well, that third color was violet. I DO NOT LIKE VIOLET. The reason it was this is because my mother-in-law had a violet dress she wanted to wear in the line and I didn’t have what it takes to say no.

3. I also wouldn't have fought with my dad about the price. If you can believe it he wanted to spend more, but I thought it frivolous. I'm his only daughter and can now appreciate that he wanted to do it as a gift and I shouldn't have made it hard for him.

4. I also would have cherished my dance with my dad a little more. We are very close, but we are not a touchy family so it was weird for me to dance with him. I realize now how hard it must have been to say good-bye to his daughter and our relationship as we knew it.

5. Also I didn’t want a long reception line. I wanted just me and my hubby, and our parents. Well, somehow his bother, the best man, ended up in the line and so we had to rush to get my best friend, the maid of honor, a dress to wear – that very day! I think I didn’t communicate well enough or something. I have gotten much better at speaking up and voicing what I need and want. I also didn’t do a good job of delegating and communicating who should do what, but everything went okay and fine enough.

I know these are very minor things. Most everything else was great. My dear friends went into our hotel room before we did and made it so romantic. There was music playing, candles glowing, rose petals tossed around and bubbles for a bubble bath. There were snacks and treats and so many other things I would have never have thought we needed. It was so much fun. I know this is more than you wanted to know, but we had both saved ourselves for each other. So for both of us it was a first that we shared and will always hold dear.

So what would you change about your wedding day?

I'm leaning toward moving...

Here are my thoughts on the new plan for the move. We will talk to the in-laws and make sure that we can move all of our stuff in and make the home our own while we live there for 18 months. I do not like the home much nor the decorating style and it would make a big difference to me if we had all of our stuff and little of theirs. If we are on the same page I am thinking of starting my son in the school by my in-laws. My hubby would drive him and then after school he would walk to the in-laws home (literally three houses down) and wait for 1-1 ½ hours before hubby picked him up on the way home from work. We would have to do this for four months. He would do homework or play with new friends in the neighborhood. That is my new idea. (Does that sound doable to anyone who has had kids in all day school or taught school? We are new at this and feel like we are treading on new soil.) We would be able to save about $10,000 extra dollars to put on a home that we will stay in for quite awhile, HOPEFULLY. This would also give us time to know how my hubby’s new business was going. In two years from now we should know for sure which direction business is going. Another thing to add is that many people are saying that the market value here has peaked or will soon and then will go down. It might be a good time to sell our current house and wait for the market to go down.


My husband takes care of all of our yard needs as well as our garden. The one thing he hasn't touched is a little piece of dirt in front of our house that is supposed to be for flowers. It has had tons of weeds growing there. We have had a couple of overcast days where the temperature hasn't been in the 100's and so I took it upon myself to weed. What a workout! It was so much fun though. There was a little bit of rain falling, my boys played in the dirt after I removed the weeds and they were completley content most of the morning. The cats even joined in and had a ball chasing bugs, spiders or anything else that moved. I can't wait to finish it off and get some beautiful flowers growing. I have never done anything like this before and I'm quite excited. Off to Wal-Mart to pick some flowers. We'll see what I end up with. I'm not even sure what any flower names are. Here goes nothing.

Tagged

I was tagged quite awhile ago and haven't gotten to it with travel and all, so here goes. This is my first time so I will probably do it all wrong, but oh well.

Rule #1: Remove the blog site at the top of the list below, move all the blog site names up one, and add yourself to the bottom.

Musings from an LDS Writing Mom
LDS Writers Blogck (Connie S. Hall)
Tristi Pinkston, LDS Author
Lords of the Manor
Homemaking Career

What were you doing ten years ago?
Summer of 1997- I was home working for the summer. I was home from attending a University about 6 hours from my home. My brother was attending the University in my home town. He wanted to be on the ballroom dance team so as he was going to try out I asked him what he was doing. He told me and I decided to go along and try out too. Yes, I wasn’t going to that University, but I figured it didn’t matter since I wouldn’t make it; It was a strong program and very competitive. Well, I ended up making the team and then I had a dilemma. I tried out because I LOVE to dance and ballroom is lots of fun to do with guys that know how to do it. A free day of dancing is how I initially viewed the situation. At the last moment I wondered if I should change where I was going to school. My brother made the team too and I thought that would be fun. He is two years older than I. I decided not to change schools and I really have wished that I would have stayed. I thought, “Oh I will have another chance to do these things later.” Not so. I realize now that you need to do those things when you are young and not married. For example, it isn’t practical for my husband and I to do it now for various reasons and I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing it with anyone other than my husband. So there you go. 10 years ago I had a pivotal decision to make. Just a side note: my brother made the traveling team and he quite the team just before they started traveling on overnight trips. Here is the reason. He said the guys on the team were gay and he was not about to sleep in the same bed with them. My brother is a 6’3” guy who has always been a football player and quite large. I thought it was interesting that a guy of his size would be so nervous. He said he knew what happened during those trips and he wanted no part in it. This is bringing up a lot of memories. I’ll try to be brief on the next ones.

What were you doing one year ago?
We were in Colorado and Husband was looking for a job in the state that we now live.


Five snacks you enjoy:
cookies
Cake
Cookies
Cake
Maple bars

Five songs you know all the lyrics to:
The wheels on the Bus
Barney Theme Song: I love you, you love me
Nothing Compares to You (Remember that bald lady sang it in the late 80’s or maybe it was the early 90’s – “I went to the Doctor and guess what he told me? Guess what he told me. He said girl you better try to have fun no matter what you do, but he’s a fool.”)
It’s Your Love by Faith Hill
I am a Child of God

Things you would do if you were a millionaire:
Pay off my house
Invest
Buy more fish and organic health food
Pay off my parents’ house
Give all of my siblings and dh siblings money
Relax

Five bad habits:
Eating when nervous, bored or stressed
Raising my voice too often
Eating off my kids’ plates
Too much computer time
Procrastinating cleaning or doing things I don’t want to


Five things you like to do:
be on the computer
Be with my kids and hubby
Learn
Laugh
Be carefree

Things you will never wear again:
Never say never


Five favorite toys:
books
clothes
computer

Where will you be in ten years:
I will have a 16 year old so I will be staying off the road while he drives and probably spying on him on his dates. :) And I will be healthy and thin.

Three people to tag:

Candy at keepingthehome.com
Mama at mamasthoughtsandquestions.com
Emily at gatewaydreamer.wordpress.com

Goals

"If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams," wrote Henry David Thoreau, "and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours."

Dust will keep, babies won't

“Cleaning and scrubbing can wait for tomorrow,
For babies grow up, I’ve learned, to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust, go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby, and babies don’t keep.”
Author Unknown

I believe our houses should be tidy and clean. I do not believe that they should be immaculate. Just in any area of life, there can be too much of a good thing. It is once again, the balancing act. I work hard to clean my home, but it is not spotless and there are smudge marks on my sliding glass door. I would like it clean, but that can wait. Right now it will show my kids had a popsicle this morning and played in the mud this afternoon. One day they will be gone and I will have time to shine the windows. At least until grandkids come…

Missing a Child

Hubby went on a business trip and took 6yo since he was going through my parents town. I have missed both of them. I'm used to hubby going on trips and still miss him, but it was a different feeling to miss 6yo. He was gone two full days and one night. I can’t imagine the empty feeling one must feel when they know a child will not return because of death. A mother shares so much of herself with her children that it almost seems as though the child takes a part of her with them where ever they go. This is a good thing. It means that the child will always have his mother’s love to rely on even when apart and it means the mother lived and truly experienced joy and Christ-like love.

3yo has really missed 6yo and keeps asking when he will be back periodically throughout the day. Mothers love when their children love each other.

I must go 1yo and 3yo are upstairs doing that laugh that you know they must be upto something...

Growing Content not Old

During one of my laundry folding sessions listening to great talks, I listened to Mary Ellen Edmonds talk about growing old. Here are some of the quotes she talked about.

Don’t think of it as growing old, but growing happy, growing grateful, growing content, or growing kind.

“Live with enthusiasm. Nobody grows old by deserting their ideals. Years wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.
You are
As young as your faith...as old as your doubt.
As young as your self confidence...as old as your fear
As young as your hope...as old as your despair “
By Gen. Douglas McArthur

Increasing Femininity

I feel badly that the feminists have done little to perserve femininity. Instead there is little that is feminine about them. Being feminine is not only fun, but it helps us to be better mothers, wives and people in general.

Here is a list of feminine characteristics from a very old book, but I still think many of them are so important to keep practicing. I need to work on most of them, but I'm a work in progress. A trim and disciplined body has been top of my list lately.

Christian Charm Course
Increasing Femininity
By Emily Hunter
A Trim and Disciplined Body
Vitality
Careful Grooming
Dainty, Pretty Clothes
Youthful, Girlish Styles
Quiet, Conservative Dress
Fresh Faced Makeup
Soft, Clean Hair
A Ready Smile
A Delicate Fragrance
Clean, Lovely Hands
Abstention from Tobacco
Abstention from Alcohol
Clean Speech
Purity of Thought and Life
A Lovely, Graceful Walk
A Manner of Sitting Prettily
Queen-like Posture
Soft, Gentle Speech
Pleasant Vocal Tones
A Refined Vocabulary
A Kind Tongue
A Reverent Attitude
A Peace Loving Disposition
Self Control
Thoughtfulness of Others
Ladylike Reserve
Sincerity and Naturalness
A Forgiving Disposition
Dignity
Self Respect
Unblemished Integrity
Honor
Virtue
Optimism
Sexual Purity

Links

time4learning

I am a Mother

I don't know why this didn't work in the body of the otehr post. Weird. Or maybe I'm just unlearned when it comes to blogging. Probably both.

Enjoy.

Father's Day

This year for some reason I expected to be treated like a queen for a day on Mother’s Day – even from my kids. You know what I mean, not just a nice day of respect, but I wanted royal special treatment. I wanted perfection. I’m not usually like that and, of coarse, I was disappointed and grumpy.

I watched my husband this Father’s Day. He was happy. He let me pamper him, but he didn't mind if things weren't perfect. He didn’t sit around and wait for to be fanned off and grapes plopped in his mouth. He played with the kids and took time to clean-up too.

I asked myself, “Why is it that this year I totally wanted things to go just so and couldn’t relax?” After reflection, I think it is because on normal days I forget myself and get so depleted that I was looking for my family to fill that void on that particular day. I have not been taking care of my needs and my bucket is empty. (You’ve heard you have to fill up your bucket first before you can give to others, right?) My husband takes time for himself everyday, not a lot, but some. I need to do this too. I need to nurture myself so that I don’t depend on my dear family to do this task.

The reason I changed to just taking care of my family is because I know a woman who acts as though that is all you need to do in life. That may fill her bucket, but different personalities have different needs. I need social, creativity, intellectual learning opportunities and fun. So that is what I’m going to do.

1. I’m working on my body being healthier.
2. I wrote down a list of things that bring me joy.
3. I will plan on times that I can do the things that bring me joy.
4. I will in turn be a great mom that is not needy and expecting her family to fill her bucket. This way I can fill theirs because mine is full.

Make sense? I don’t have time to reread this to see if it does so there are my thoughts tonight.

8 Random Things About Me - From Candy's Blog

1. I had a scholarship to pharmacy school and turned it down because I decided that I would rather change the world by being a mother.

2. I love being a mother.

3. My boys are very active and talkative. Something we are working on, but I may just have to wait until they are teenagers and just want to sleep and won't tell me anything. :)

4. I have three older brothers and no sisters.

5. My mother was and is a very successful career woman.

6. My parents were not very active in church when I was younger. I decided for myself if I thought the LDS church was teaching correct principles or false through much prayer, fasting and study.

7. I love my life.

8. I have had to work incredibly hard to learn how to keep a home. I'm still working on it, but I'm much better today than I was six years ago. Just ask my husband!!! I pray I will be much better at the art of homemaking in another six years.

What are 8 random lthings that pop into your head?

Comments on the Video From Last Post

That hit me right on. Sometimes I want my husband to know, really know, what it is like to be a mother. What it is like to try to figure out why a child has been acting strange when he comes home from school, or if he is sick enough to take to the Dr. or what to cook for dinner and if a popcycle can count for a fruit serving. The truth is that a husband will never completely understand. He can come close, but it is not possible to know. Just as we cannot completely understand what it is like to be a man. Mothers can understand mothers. You can know and can fully empathize with, not only the hard times, but the glorious times. You know the times when you walk in and see your children with their arms around each other and they are sharing and playing with one another - that is joy. It is joy when they accomplish something and they are proud of who they are. You all know what I mean. I don't need to explain it to you and you don't need to come to my house and try to be me for a day because we are all doing the same things no matter where we live. We are all loving our children. We are all sacrificing for our children and we are all hoping for a better world for our children. The truth is that because of our devotion, our children will make a better world and because of our children our sacrifices will, return as gifts to ourselves and our God.

Mother's Day

This is a three minute video that explains a mother's love. We all know what we feel for our children, but sometimes it's just nice to see it expressed. It has music so be ready.

Mothers understand Mothers

Must Read

Fascinating Womanhood is a FANTASTIC book for any woman.

Be Nice

As we are teaching our children to be nice, appreciative and respectful we too need to model these characteristics. Take five seconds and just think. Are you nice? You may say, “Yes, of course.” You may point out how you recently helped out a friend and how every single day you devote yourself to your dear children. Let me ask you this, When your husband comes home from working so hard, are you nice? Do you tell him how much you appreciate his hard work? Do you tell him about all the wonderful things you have because he is such a good provider? I’m not talking about luxuries. Imagine your life without a dishwasher, clothes washer, a house, and toys for your children. There is always something to be grateful for. Most of us thank God for these things because all good things come from him. That is wonderful and necessary, but make sure you thank your husband, and often, for the work he does to help buy the things you have. God often works through others to give us the blessings we need. Husbands are a wonderful blessing and through the “sweat of their brow” God’s plan for the roles of man and woman are beautifully kept and peace abounds. Try it. Try for a week to tell your husband everyday how thankful you are that he works so hard. Tell him that you admire his work ethic. Tell him how happy you are that he provides for your family. Try it and you will love the results. Men want to be admired and appreciated. Admire them for their manly qualities and you will see those qualities develop. You will see them excel and your life' in turn' will be enriched. In a different entry I will share my views of repecting and admiring our husbands.

Build Up Not Down

I recently visited a Christian Blog that I frequent. I was disappointed to see her pointing out things that reflect the Catholic Church in a bad light. I know she is trying to bring people to Christ, including Catholics. I am not Catholic, but I have a strong belief that the proper way, you could even say the fair way, to bring others to understand and ultimately share your beliefs is not by bringing up the faults of their religion. If you have the truth all you need to do is to teach that truth and something about it will swell the souls of those you are teaching and they will know that what they have been taught previously is false and they will know the truth. Falsehoods will manifest themselves. They cannot stand. So build yourself up instead of tearing them down.

Adoption

While I have not had infertility problems, knock on wood, I have had several family members and close friends struggle with this painful trial. They are good people. They love the Lord. They love each other. They have sufficient financial means. They have beautiful homes that are just waiting for little feet to bless their floors with their pitter-patter. They ache when they see babies. They cry for babies. They think of little else (especially the mother – I say Mother because all women are mothers whether they have born children or not. Eve was the “mother of all living” before she bore any children. Women are mothers inherently.).

I adamantly support single mothers to lovingly place their baby in the arms of one of the many families I have mentioned above. Think of the alternative: poverty, no father, daycare from someone other than mom, (Grandma is not the same as mom!), mom still in the dating scene, instability, etc. Statistics and Facts on Adoption

Two nights ago I met with one of my good friends from high school. She informed me that her sister, of which I really enjoyed as a friend and person in high school, had a one year old son.

“I didn’t know she was married!” I exclaimed.

“She’s not.”

She then explained to me that the sister messed up, but was keeping the baby. That is what made my stomach fall.

These people who encouraged her to raise the child in a single parent home should know better; they claim to be good members of the church. Raising a child with a husband who supports the family well and a mom who stays home with the kids is hard enough, but when you add in the difficulties of a single mom, by choice, raising a child becomes almost impossible. The sister could have transformed a bad choice into a better outcome. She could have lovingly and selflessly placed that innocent baby in the arms of a couple who was not ashamed of having a baby or even worried, but yearning to have a child in their arms. Yearning to love and give the baby every opportunity in the world.

Here is the bottom line. In The Family: A Proclamation to the World it states, “Children are entitled ….to be reared by a father and a mother”. This means that it is the child’s right to have both parents. It is not the birth mother’s choice. It is what the child needs and deserves. It is what God commands. I had to cringe when my friend said in a matter-of-fact way, “My sister is 27 she ought to be able to handle it.”

Adoption is not about “handling it”. It is about the baby and the best life he could have. It is about love. It is about making a child whole by giving them a family and then going on your way and making the best of yourself. It will hurt. I don’t doubt that. There is a bond built when you grow a baby in your womb, but keeping the baby is thinking of yourself. Think of it this way, birth mothers have the unique opportunity to give birth twice. The first birth is literal. The second birth is the birth of opportunity and security. Sharing that baby, with a family, is selfless and gives the baby life once again.

Introduction

Just a bit about myself. I have a wonderful husband who is faithful and loves God. I have three boys ages 6, 3, and 1. I stay home with my children. I have strong feelings about certain subjects. Today I want to mention just a few.
1. God lives and is very much involved in our lives, if we will let him .
2. Families are better off if the mother stays home with the children and the husband provides.
3. Society would be better if women would realize the importance of raising a child and would devote themselves to this endever.
4. Raising a family will give a person more satisfaction than any coorperate job could.
5. One of the greatest sorrows we can experience is to see our children in pain and one of the greatest joys we will ever experience is to see our children succeed and be happy.
6. It is worth the effort and devotion to the family and home because, in the end, it is only the people we love who will be there for us and it is them who will matter to us.
7. Don’t sell yourself short with a career in the corporate world. Your talents and intelligence will be more beneficial to the world by creating a child who will contribute to society and make a difference in this world and then, in turn, will raise their children to be good people and down the line into eternity. The efforts and results of homemaking continue after we have left this world.

Another thing about me is that I had a scholarship to Pharmacy School and turned it down so I could be closer to the man of my dreams (my future husband). I have not regretted that for one moment. I love my life. I love my husband. My husband and I love being together and I believe that is, in large part, because I make our home a calm, peaceful, happy place to be. I am kind to him. I am good to him. I make time for him. He wants to be home. He treats me with kindness and respect and listens to my opinions.

I work hard at my job. I wake up early. I am primarily responsible for the nurture of our children. I devote myself to them. I have never been a homebody. I have always been extraverted. I was Student Body Vice President in high school. I was a state swimming champion two years in a row and have several school records. I have always been a straight "A" student. I graduated with highest honors with my Bachelors of Science. I love to read. I love to learn. And being a mother has stretched my abilities more than any other job could. I use everything I have ever learned to do my job as a homemaker. It is a challenge, but so extremely rewarding.